...it's the world, dear. Did you expect it to be small? -The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Thoughts for the night

Well let's see here. I am feeling strange tonight. Not like sick strange, just emotions strange, if that makes any sense at all. I don't know what's up with me. I feel mundane and comfortable and rather bored. It's bugging me. And I'm not sure if I should seek more excitement or just be ok with the fact that when you've been a certain way for such a long time, it's natural to be comfortable and not as exciting as when you first started ok. I just have alot to think through. Is this what I really really want-what I can't see myself without. Or is this just good and comfortable but why change it. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't think about it as much as I do. I don't want to make a decision that I am going to ultimately regret. But I don't want to waste people's time either. I want real honesty, real communication concerning this. I don't even know my own emotions/feelings right now. I mean I know. I know how I feel. But I don't. That makes no sense. I am a confusing girl. Oh goodness. When I look at my life in ten, thirty, forty year is this what I want? That's what I need to figure out. The fire is gonna eventually die out a bit for everyone, it's just a matter of when. Or is it possible to have it where the fire never dies and there is always that excitement and newness and growing and fun. Comfortable and mundane maybe is a good thing. Its real that way I guess, not just lovey dovey. I'm such a rambler it kills me. Rant is ending now. Ok. I'm gonna figure this out.

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