Saturday, February 7, 2009
Yesterday everything changed
I did something yesterday that I didn't want to do or go through but I knew I needed to. I'm praying and hoping that the Lord knows my heart and will graciously give me what I desire. I truly truly care about this boy and cannot imagine my life without him. Today was my first day without him and I was thinking about him more than ever. He consumes my thoughts, my prayers, my daily life. I miss him. So much. But I know that the Lord is a true and good God. He makes all things work together for good for those who love Him. And I know that my version of good might not be the same as His, but I also know that He knows how I feel about him and listens to my cries as I feel like my heart is breaking. I hope that this break will be a quick but very good growing time for the both of us. I want to be with him so bad. I just know that right now I'm not the girl he needs or deserves. He needs someone great, who loves him unconditionally with no hesitations. I hope to be that girl soon. I want to be that girl soon. I want to care for him and be the kind of woman he can't live without. We're going to figure this out; I know it. Until then I will continue to seek wisdom and the Lord's help. I will continue to pray for him and for myself. I will continue to miss him constantly and long to see him. I will continue to type a text and then not send it. I will continue to be reminded of him every place I go and in every song I hear. I will continue to force myself to give him space as to not hurt him anymore than I have. I will continue to like him, so so much. Until we're back again. Lord willing. I pray for him. I wait for him. I grow for him.